What Is It With You?
by LibraMoon
Summary: If it wasn't love, then Bones had no idea what to call it, but he was certain he could ignore it. Too bad Jim won't let him. Extreme AU: BonesxFem Kirk! Temp Fem BonesXKirk. One sided SpockxFem Bones. Jealous Fem Kirk.


**AN: So… I wasn't happy with the general story; therefore I have decided to re-write it entirely keeping some plot points from the original and change things around. This new story features a Temporary FemBones. **

**There is no Fem!Slash, just one sided Fem!Kirk flirtingxFemBones, one sided SpockxFemBones, and JealousKirk. Thanks to a brilliant suggestion that got the gears in my head turning. Muwahahaha. And as always, thank you BetahimeTsukiko for Beta-ing!**

**I own nothing.**

OoOoOO

There had never been a time that Dr. Leonard McCoy was so close to killing himself as he was right now. It wasn't being overly dramatic, nor did he believe anyone could blame him. After all, it was not every man that found himself in a situation where his gender had been reversed through cross contamination during energizing via a plant seed.

It was a female plant seed, to be exact, for somehow, Dr. McCoy had earned the wrath of God at some point along the way.

He didn't have time to ponder out why he, and only he, was afflicted with this living hell of a problem. He did however have sufficient thought processes to understand one thing with a certainty that rivaled the white-hot intensity of a super Nova.

It was all Kirk's fault.

Yes, there was no other explanation. It was simply fact, and Dr. McCoy was more than ready to accept it as a cardinal law of the universe. With Jim, he should have seen it coming. He should have seen it coming and refused, or at the very least brought a phaser to put himself out of his misery. As if his blood sucking ex hadn't been enough of a hit to his life, now he had boobs.

And, he didn't even want to touch them.

He slowly turned his head to look at Jim with what could only be described as unadulterated fury. "_Oh stop worrying Bones,_" he didn't have to try hard to mimic Jim because he now possessed a decidedly feminine voice –damn it all-, "_hardly anything ever goes wrong in the transporters."_

Jim's mouth twitched, her full lips trying in vain not to stretch into a smile. And, he could see shock and amusement simmering below the surface of those sapphire eyes he knew so well.

"I, uh-," she cleared her throat and took a longer look at him, "I might have misspoken."

Bones felt the frown forming on his face. He cocked his head at her giving his patent 'are you out of your damn mind?' look. She grinned at him; and he felt an irrational urge to throttle her. No, wait. That properly was the correct response to 95% of the things Jim did.

Bones felt the keen awareness that he should have just locked her out of the Medbay the moment she'd come in raving about stopping some civil war. However, fool that he was, he'd listened to her story about what had happened upon first contact. A clan had been slaughtered of some sort of deer-people. Leaving a brother and sister the sole survivors of the head family; and while that was lamentable, bones didn't see how it was a Star Fleet problem.

Then Jim had given him the patented 'Kirk eyes' and he'd nearly sighed in defeat right there because of that look. Whenever Kirk got a look like that it never ended well for him. There was nothing that was going to stand in her way. He'd seen that look a few times in the past and most of them were at the academy.

However, when she'd given that look to Nero with a sneer and cocky attitude Bones had almost felt sorry for the bastard; almost. Yet, that fleeting feeling had gone away rather quickly when he reflected on the souls who had lost their lives on Vulcan. When he thought about Jim's father and resulting messed up life.

Well, when he thought about all that, he just wanted to put Nero back together again to have a go at him alone. So, he'd agreed because apparently, he was a masochist as well as an idiot. They'd charged in, stopped the antagonists and set the world to rights. And the natives, the… '_Columbariniths_,' he thought in irritation, '_are all safe and fine, while I am a walking accident_.' Why xeno-biologists had to name everything with 16 blasted consonants, he'd never understand. If you asked him, he was certain it was to make themselves sound impressive when they rattled off species and places that caused normal people's eyes to glaze over.

That led him back to the crux of the issue. Bones hated beaming up and down because of all the things that could happen to his atoms, or the places that didn't reappear correctly. What had never crossed him mind before, but was now at the forefront was becoming a woman.

Well… this called for a drink or ten until he couldn't remember what it felt like to suddenly be missing his penis.

"You know," Jim interrupted with a look of approval, "Science blue really does bring out the color of your eyes."

He glowered at her heavily. "Not one more word," He/she warned with a throaty rumble to his/her voice.

Oh, forget it. He was still a man and a doctor. This God-forsaken ship still needed someone taking care of the people aboard and that was still Dr. Leonard McCoy. He placed his hand to his forehead and rubbed softly at the skin, trying in vain to ease the headache that was threatening to explode behind his eyes.

"But Bones," she continued on impishly, "think of all the 'girl time' we can put in together now." Jim winked at him provocatively.

Some things, it seemed to Bones, never changed. One of them was James T. Kirk, the largest pain in his ass the universe had ever created. Though he did adore her and their friendship… it didn't stop him from thinking about her in ways that no Doctor or friends should ever think of a Captain.

He wasn't going to call it love.

At his age, he was far too old for love. Hell, he was fairly certain he'd lost the ability to love after his harpy of an ex-wife took everything from him. She'd taken his money, and his pride. Oh sure, but he'd been expecting that. He had not expected to take his wide-eyed fools hope that the world wasn't such a terrible place. Even though he'd seen countless diseases, injuries, and malformations (of a few species mind you), Leonard McCoy had innocently believed that love was forever.

God was he a dumbass on that one.

The afore mentioned man raked a hand through his disheveled locks with a ragged breath. It felt like an opossum was trying to claw its way out of his stomach with its damn tiny dagger-like… claws. Ah hell, he didn't even know what he was thinking.

Well, actually, that was an outright lie and Dr. McCoy knew it in an instant. Tarnation. What was wrong with him? A near whine tore out the back of his throat. He attempted to cough in a manly manner to cover over the pathetic sound. It ended up semi-strangled as it passed his lips. Damn, but he was in a poor state.

"I'm merely teasing, Dr. McCoy," Jim said gently, with that sparkle still in her eyes, "we will find a solution." She waved her hands to gesture toward him, "To your newfound… feminine side."

Then she snickered quietly and all Bones could notice was her. Even in his state of abject discomfort, the sight of Jim looking at him so warmly caused his brain to short-circuit. And, when he stopped to think about it-which he did far more often than he would ever admit to anyone by the almighty lord himself- it was all her fault.

Her reckless abandon for life, left him flabbergasted. That sweet and sexy smile she flashed him when she knew she was being just a little bit naughty caused his blood to feel like it was on fire. He'd hadn't felt that way since he was sixteen and too damn awkward to do anything about it.

It seemed he was still stuck at being a lanky sixteen year old boy making damn puppy eyes a girl who was so far out of his league he may as well be on Pluto. Because every time that woman came around shaking those perfect little hips…

And, mentioning 'girl time' had only led to thoughts that would put the Orions to shame.

And… wait. 'Girl time.' That's right, he was a woman now. His lust was dashed in an instant and he was glaring at Jim as if she were his ex-wife. Which, was more than a little unkind, but he felt it was justified.

Damn it! He was a highly trained medical professional. He was the Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise! He had just suffered an emotionally traumatizing change. He was… too damn old for her.

Where had that thought come from?

He was furious with her. This was all her damn fault. If she hadn't of dragged him down to that hell hole of a planet, then the seed would never have attached to his pants and he wouldn't currently be a Soprano.

"I will be in the Med Bay running diagnostics," He stared at Jim meaningfully, "and if I see you in there _Captain Kirk_, you'd better be on fire."

She gave him a slight pout, followed by a flirtatious look. "What if I'm just on fire for you?"

"Then I'll give you Andorian Shingles."

"Ouch, but that's still not a 'no' I'm hearing."

"Goodbye, Kirk."

As he turned to leave the Captain's office, he was rudely knocked into by the Ships resident hobgoblin. As if his day could not get any worse. The dark eyes took in his appearance. The Vulcan was watching him rather intently, puzzling him out as if he were some sort of science project. Which, the good doctor realized belatedly, he might very well end up being.

He shuddered.

"It would behoove you to take note of your surroundings at all times Ms…?"

Bones growled lowly at him. He was _not_ in the mood for this. "Dr. Leonard McCoy, you pointy-eared menace," he snarled because he was at the breaking point, "and if you would look where you are going this could've be avoided. Now outta my way."

Then he left in a huff, trying desperately to stop his hips from swaying as he went.

OoOoOo

Jim couldn't help it. It was funny. Not exactly 'Ha ha' funny, but amusing none the less and she had been assured by several medical sources other than Bones, that it was nothing life-threatening or dangerous. Scotty was certain that he could have it fixed in a relatively short amount of time.

Which, with Scotty, meant about two weeks. Give or take a few days, and provided Bones didn't end up the way of a certain Professor's dog… well, Kirk couldn't complain too much.

She bit her lips to keep from smiling at the exchange at her doorway between him...or her and Spock. She pretended to busy herself in reports, some of which were in need of doing since their unfortunate planet side encounter, and resulting transporter incident. Being Captain of the _Enterprise_ was not easy, but she thrived on the challenge. Loved it really.

Not as much as she was in love with Bones, and as soon as he took the hint, the happier she would be. Until that point, however, she was content with flirting and witty banter from the gruff CMO.

Jim blew a breath of frustration out of her mouth in a huff. So it hadn't exactly been love at first sight. She hadn't been overly impressed with the man being forced to his seat in a shuttle transport on the way to the Academy reeking of old booze, sweat, looked like he had not shaved in what was likely weeks, and drooled a little as he sat there staring at her boobs.

Yeah, that had been particularly charming.

She rolled her eyes in the dimness at the memory, but an amused smile painted her lips. There was much she had not liked about Dr. Leonard McCoy… to start with. Granted, only a very few and disturbed individuals would have been turned on by a many throwing up on them. Jim was not among that crowd. She had been utterly horrified when he had leaned over and wretched all over her.

The urge to gag had been nearly overwhelming, but she'd wiped the excess that had landed on her face off and asked after his health. She had heard him shouting that he was a doctor. She'd thought he was utterly wasted. It had turned out to be a pleasant surprise later, when he had sobered up enough to offer to buy her a drink- an irony that hadn't escaped her- that he was actually rather intelligent.

And sexy as hell.

She knew she had an attraction for Bones the day she caught herself fantasizing on possibly changing her career track to nursing in order to seduce the handsome Medical Officer.

Jim wasn't overly lusty by nature. She had a perfectly healthy and normal sex drive. She did like and enjoy men, in more ways than one, but Bones had always been just a little different.

He never looked at her as if she was a screw up. She had a bit of a checkered past, one she had confided in him a few months into their friendship. When he'd simply listened and accepted what she had told him with a disgruntled look of 'so what?' on his face; it was then that James Kirk had known.

She was going to keep him.

She was just… waiting for the right opportunity to break it to him that they were going to be a couple.

Because they were.

Spock drew her from her train of thought, as he waited patiently for her attention.

"Yes, Mr. Spock?" She asked calmly with a small smile lighting her face.

"Captain," he inclined his head respectfully, "I have the reports from the latest samples, you still have to prepare for the Dilithium negotiations, and-" he raised a brow at her imperiously, "we have been tasked with a new mission from Star Fleet Command."

"Ah," she hummed quietly in the back of her throat," thank you for the reminder. Is that all Mr. Spock?"

"Dr. McCoy has become a female," he retorted blandly.

Jim laughed. It was stated so factually, and it amused her to think he believed she hadn't noticed. Oh, she noticed everything about Bones. Though, girls weren't her thing per say, it was still Bones and that meant Jim would still be flirting up a storm. Partly for reaction, partly to get it through his thick but adorable head that she wanted him.

Both would be rewarding in their own way.

"Strange," Spock rumbled looking back toward the door impassively.

"What's strange?"

"Dr. McCoy makes an exceedingly aesthetically pleasing female."

Jim found herself lifting both her brows to her hair line. She was not only shocked that Mr. Spock would observe such a thing, let alone say it, but she was struck by an odd feeling of unease.

"I suppose," she hedged lightly.

Spock looked back at her, his posture suggested business as usual. "I was merely stating a personal preference, Captain. You should in no way take that as a slight against your own physical appearance."

"I wasn't" she bit out. '_Until you said that,'_ she finished mentally.

Spock nodded and continued on about the communication from Star Fleet Command, outlining their objectives. He also talked with her in length about strategies for negotiating the Dilithium trade. With luck, and Jim's indisputable charm, it would go well.

However, that did not stop her from noticing that his gaze strayed, more than once toward the door. Which Bones had left through, and Jim was left with the sneaking suspicion that Mr. Spock was thinking about her Chief Medical Officer.

And, that was not going to work for Kirk.


End file.
